Pupil In Politics Shame

The head boy of a ridiculously expensive private school has been expelled after taking drugs. The pupil, who cannot be named for legal reasons, admitted to experimenting with the highly addictive and dangerous substance, ‘politics’.

Speaking anonymously to The Tart, the student claimed that he had been tempted to try politics by illustrious, former users of the substance, including David Cameron, George Osborne and Boris Johnson.

‘It seems that if you want to get ahead in life you have to have tried politics at least once,’ said the 17 year old. ‘You can only do it when you’re young, though. Everyone’s entitled to a private life before they enter their profession, apparently, so you can do what you like’.

Meanwhile, in unrelated news, a pupil has been removed from Harrow School after admitting that he took cocaine in the Easter holidays.

When asked by the Tart whether there was a drugs-culture at the public school, the spokesman responded: “Of course not. Why ever would young people, with large disposable incomes and plenty of time on their hands take drugs?” Before adding: ‘No, we haven’t a clue why the papers think this is national news, either’.

(This was originally published on thetartpaper.com)